I find myself smiling
sitting in the sun
basking in not everything that once was
or anything that’s meant to be,
but at the stillness that is
An overarching feeling that’s sat heavily on my shoulders this entire trip is a feeling of selfishness. I often feel bogged down with guilt that works in a weird way with gratitude. I’m grateful to be in this position, to take this trip, to do some inner and outer exploration, but I also feel undeserving of this incredible journey sometimes. I’m choosing to sleep in a van. I can afford food, a flight if needed, gas, and a structure over my head, and so many people can’t afford any of those things.
Even writing and sharing photos feels narcissistic. This whole trip I’m focusing on myself, my healing, my growing, my being. But that’s the thing, if we’re focusing on growth, balance, strength, abundance, reflection, in an attempt to consistently be the best human that we can be to hopefully, some day and in some way, be able to be a source of reflection and support for friends, family, and strangers alike then is that selfish, or is it an active step towards being a humble human? Maybe this is me validating myself. Maybe that’s okay.
The incredibly beautiful thing about working towards being a better, more present human is that we can do it every second of every day. Constant growth, there is no end goal, and that actively works against our ego’s need to achieve something, to finish, to win. The road of growth is so far from linear. The road of growth is ever working love.
Fight guilt with gratitude. Show love. Share love. Be love.
Love, color, and bison babies for all,